Motherboard

Not long ago, everyone was flipping their shit about airports using full body scanners. They might give you cancer. They let TSA employees see your little wang/bajungas. The European Union dithered around, worrying about privacy while America and Australia started setting the things up with a big middle finger to the ACLU before a meaningful debate could even begin.

It didn’t take long for body scanners to prove their worth: In a suspiciously short amount of time after their introduction, Dutch transportation officials let the so-called ‘underwear bomber’ on a plane headed to Detroit, and body scanners became must-have equipment. Never mind the fact that the US prevented Dutch authorities from installing the scanners shortly before the aforementioned incident, nor the fact that all the scanner makers are headquartered in the US or US-allied nations. Sure, al-Qaeda’s already practicing to pass through the scanners undetected, but none of this shit matters. No, scanners totally work and anyone who doesn’t think so should be strip-searched at gunpoint.

Scanners work not because the technology’s actually useful. Hell, it can’t even detect stuff hidden in the butt. The scanners work because Muslims hate them. Hate, hate, hate them. In fact, they’ve already issued a fatwa against them, effectively forbiding Muslims to pass through the body scanners, and fatwas are, like, always obeyed. If Islam pass a religious law against passing through the scanners, its followers can’t get through airport security. If they can’t pass through security, they can’t blow planes up. And since ALL terrorists are Muslim, this problem’s solved thanks to the brain-trusts at the TSA.