Motherboard

Jon Stewart, looking quite young and studly (Hi Jon!), made his own very special time capsule on January 1, 2000, made to be open on January 10, 2000.

Really, anyone who thought they were anyone in 1999 had a time capsule. I was in college and proposed doing a time capsule in nearly every class I took. Seemed like such a great idea! I would like to go back and punch my annoyingly skinny 19-year-old self. Fortunately, none of my professors took me up on this project — the photos I have from that year are memories enough, thank you very much.

AOL — uh, Aol.? — which just broke up with Time Warner, started out this decade as it is exiting it: a lone ranger. Instead of a lasso, it used CDs-by-mail that could get you 45 days free (and No Credit Card Required)! Who knew they used the same really sturdy technology to immortalize themselves and their users for eternity? On December 31, 1999, AOL created a digital time capsule that included AOL member’s one hundred words of text and links to their AOL Hometown homepage (Anyone remember AOL Hometown? Yeaaah.)

The capsule was preserved on a CD and by “perpetual reproduction,” until it is set to be opened, in the year 3000. My lack of confidence aside, I feel like this is AOL 1999’s code message to AOL 2010 telling themselves to move on after this broken relationship. Future self-company, you can do it, go spread your seed!

I’m trying to picture AOL reconfiguring their teams, and designating one person on each team to carry the memory of the Millennium Time Capsule like Christopher Walken with the wristwatch up his bum. “Do not let future generations forget this, Brad!” the head of accounting department 32-C33 is saying to his young intern. “Someone will give you a gold watch when you retire, and you…you will pass him this great CD.”