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Feel the (Xenu) Touch

Posted by pizza_dogs on Tuesday, Jan 26, 2010

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Want to help the people of Haiti but not actually help them at all? The Church of Scientology’s got you covered. Volunteers from the organizations outreach program are visiting patients at Port-au-Prince’s General Hospital and healing them with the power of touch (possible theme song?). Here’s how they describe it:

“When you get a sudden shock to a part of your body the energy gets stuck, so we re-establish communication within the body by touching people through their clothes, and asking people to feel the touch.”

Eyewitnesses report that their method involves touching people while smiling, sort of like a faker, non-ancient version of Reiki healing. John Travolta even lent the church his airplane to take 80 volunteers and 50 Haitian-American-doctors to the ravaged country. In all fairness, it was nice of those whackadoos to transport 50 MDs to Haiti. But why ruin it with 80 Xenu missionaries?

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  • Images_small

    cacophobia 7 months ago

    why are Scientologists always shocking people?

  • Alligator-gliding_small

    AlligatorDDT 7 months ago

    Scientologists are lame as hell

  • Hanks_l_small

    Orion 7 months ago

    Whackadoos, indeed.

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About the author

Graham-the-yellow-labrador-retriever-dog-375x500_medium

pizza_dogs

Order Pizza, Pay with Snakes
Cambridge, United States
Member since 2009

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