Motherboard

What’s long been suspected has now been confirmed true. As of August 2009, Australians are officially the most obnoxious creatures in Universe. Or maybe that’s August 2029 — it’s hard to say. Using the Canberra Deep Space Communication Complex at Tidbinbilla as their transmission headquarters, Aussies deluged little Gliese 581d, the closest habitable planet to Earth , with 25,000 text messages. One reporter pointedly observes that this volume of text is roughly equivalent to 8735 spam emails. Thankfully Gliese is a full 20 light years away, giving us a two decade buffer at least before any unhappy Gilesiens might retaliate. While we wait for that day to come, we can enjoy reading excerpts from the the 2,845,539 byte transmission on Hello From Earth, a website cataloging many of the best space-bound texts. Here are a few gems:

“Hello Gliese 581d inhabitant. Can you help us humans travel through space and become smart like you. Please do not eat us we are a friendly race.”
Angus Pigott
Canberra, Australia

“Hello can you please come and visit us.We need you to halp us from destroying our own Planet.We your guidance on world peace.Also I need a new girlfriend.Help!!”
Alan
Bundaberg, Australia

“Long live Dave Grohl. Long live Foo Fighters. Long live Czech beer. Let’s rock!”
Petr Flešar
Ostrava, Czech Republic

“Look forward to working with you skateboarding!And also invite you to eat dumplings!”
Yiliang Liu
Quanzhou,Fujian, China

“Are you aliens or human and are you friendly? Is there other types of people on your planet? From Nikki and Taylah.”
Nikki and Taylah
Busselton , Australia

“We measure time in seconds. About 640180800 have elapsed since we sent this message. I hope your cryptographers are smart because this could be hard to parse.”
Michael Cordover
Hobart, Australia